It’s my own damn fault, of course, because I saw this headline in Google Reader
Mazda Recalls 65,000 Cars… Over Spider Webs
and clicked through anyway. But I wasn’t prepared to find this eight-legged monstrosity leering up at me when the post opened in a new tab. My desk chair spun back about three feet, propelled by my reflexive jump away from the computer.
Sweet fancy Moses! I cannot stand spiders. Cannot stand them. Snakes on a plane? Hell yes, give me a hundred snakes on a plane over a single daddy longlegs. I used to empty an entire can of Raid on any spider found lurking in my house. I finally wised up (no thanks to the brain cells I’m sure all those chemicals killed off) and now, for the most part, I can refrain from killing the little beasties when I spot one high up on the living room wall. Instead, I have a little chat with them. “Look, you really don’t belong here, OK? But as long as you stay way up there, don’t make any sudden moves, and for heaven’s sake don’t start rappelling down a web thread in the midair, you can stay.”
This usually works, believe it or not. And on the rare occasions when it doesn’t, and an arachnid goes astray and tries to do something nefarious, like crawl across the living room carpet, I step on them. But I don’t just step on them. I step and push and grind that sucker into a million pieces, until its little spider guts are just a smear. Then I vacuum it up and get on with my life. (In case you’re wondering, you can’t just step on them once and then vacuum them up. If they are still in one piece, they will revive in the vacuum cleaner bag, have a million babies, and bust out in the middle of the night to seek their revenge. I mean, everyone knows this, right?)
From the story:
We’ve heard of bananas in the tailpipe and sugar in the gas tank, but “spiders in the evaporative canister vent line” is a new one for us. And yet, it’s the reason Mazda is recalling 65,000 Mazda6 cars in North America.