Sometimes the comedy writes itself

Another newspaper story made me laugh out loud tonight, and — what a refreshing change — it wasn’t because of a typo or mistake. From the West Branch Times:

Joe White, Alliant’s manager of customer services for an area that includes West Branch, said he would have to know more about that town’s electric service before he could compare. He did say that West Branch has a lot of squirrels, referencing an outage in March where more than 1,100 customers were powerless for about two hours at lunchtime on a sunny day.


Yes, I live in a town where the squirrels outnumber the people, apparently. And not just any squirrels. These are your juvenile delinquent squirrels, your punk squirrels. I’m sure if I ever got a good look at one, it would be wearing a little black leather jacket, or maybe a guinea tee to show off its tattoos of naked … otters? I don’t know what turns squirrels on. Well, not four-legged ones, anyway.

Actually, this story kind of confirms a brainstorm I had when I was in college. In one of my geography classes, where we had to choose a research project to utilize our newly acquired mad mapmaking skillz, I toyed with the idea of trying to find out if Cedar County has the highest number of skunks per square mile of any county in Iowa. Because I’m telling you, the number of squished skunks on this county’s roadways is unreal. You have to smell it to believe it. Clearly, this news story proves that it’s not just skunks — apparently the entire small-rodent population is out of control around here.

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